To all the wonderful/smart/beautiful/strong/funny/caring/sweet ladies. You are just that. Don't look back at what you didn't do, or what you forgot to do. Look at what you did do. AND if you stumble upon a regret look at it as a learning experience! You can not go back and fix it. All you can do is apologize and push forward! Many (((hugs))) to all of you. Go out and make it count today.


This is my face book status today. AND I MEAN EVERY WORD.

Sometimes in life we spend so much time looking at the past that we can't even imagine the future.

Sure there are times where you say...FML! Some of us have said it more than others. All we can do is go back say we are sorry to the people we hurt. Then push forward. You will continue to fall on your face. If you didn't then you wouldn't be living life you would be merely existing. Be creative. Impact some one's life. Let someone know that you have been there and you survived.

Know this that somewhere in this world someone loves you. You may not know it. Someone cares about you. Now if you could only reach the point of feeling that way about yourself. You have one shot it this...make it count.

Today I woke up with my back hurting. AGAIN. Actually it hurts every morning that I don't work out. So this morning it was worse. UGH!

I got up and stretched. Which is so much fun when you don't want to be up right! LOL! I went to get dressed and skipped over my normal jeans and shirt and sandal. Instead I opted for my pink sweat and one of my husbands skull T-shirts (sorry Rick I promise to return it!) and my sneakers. Walked in to the bathroom didn't even bother to pick up a hair brush and pulled my hair up in a messy bun brushed my teeth and got out of there! Skipped my espresso and mixed my crystal lite and put of eggs on to hard boil.

Got my 2 oldest off to school. I got my eggs cooling. Time to work out. I will do this. I lost my determination for a little bit. I just have to keep pushing. I have to remind my self of what I know...I KNOW that if I don't I will hurt every morning. I KNOW my kids will be picked on for having a fat mum. I KNOW I won't be happy until I can run and play. I just need to make it fun again and RIGHT now I am feeling the need to rock out. So music up loud....and elliptical is the way I am going today!........

***btw the picture is obviously me. I want to take a new one every month so I can see just how I am changing! ***

Shed mommy

It feels like this dark cloud has been blown away lately! Which is awesome!

The weekend was the best! We played outside with the kids and did a movie night on Friday! The kids had so much fun. It makes everything worth it when they smile. EVERY.SINGLE. bad thing melts away! So we all cuddled up on the floor with the kids and had a "picnic" with them while we watched a movie. They were so tired from playing that NO ONE complained about bed time! Which then in return gave Rick and I time to watch a very kick ass movie!!!

Saturday was pretty similar...with the exception of the trip to the eye doctor for me. *surprise* I need glasses...ugh...I feel old LOL. Who knew 28 is old!?!?! Got home and was pleasantly surprised that Rick had the house clean,kids fed,dressed and out side playing while he was doing the yard work! NOT an easy feat with 5 kids all under 10!

Sunday was AWESOME! I never got to go to any concerts while I was a teen or anything like that. SSSssoooo my husband took me to see my favorite band Blue October. It was nice to shed mommy for the night and just rock out to fantastic music with my husband.

Which brings me to this. Sometimes as a mother,weather you are a mom of one or many, you lose yourself somewhere along the way. You find that you prefer sweats and pony tails. Shaved legs are thing of the past...if you get to brush your teeth you are lucky. Here is the thing. It is hard being a mom. It is hard to find balance.

When you don't want to get dressed and brush your teeth and you just feel like you are running on a constant loop. This is the start of depression for most mothers. The next thing is rage...you find yourself losing your F*cking mind. You get this rage, it feels like you are burning from within. Your get angry about shoes not put away, you scream about teeth not being brushed. Next you lose your self esteem. You don't even know why you bother. You are now spiraling. Grasping for some sort of control and you can't find it. Get help. Don't listen to every mother feels this way it will pass. Do you want to feel like that every day? Go directly to your doctor. BUT don't stop there. Talk to someone, someone that is capable of helping you....This brings me back full loop to....


SHED MOMMY SOMETIMES!!!! Reach down find yourself. Love yourself. Get up everyday and know that your children will be happier if you are happier. Your husband will be happier if you are happier. You get one shot at this life and do you want to waste it on losing it about where shoes are left laying?

National No Housework Day!

WOOHOO! I think I just found my favorite day of the year! April 7th is national no housework day! ....

BUT guess what......

I didn't find this out until my house was clean.( insert big eyes and quivering lip here) So I when I did find this out, I decided to take it easy for the rest of the day! I was super stoked. I had plans of laying out side and reading a book, while my kids played happily in the yard.

*ding dong* Hi I am your reality check!

Leland crawled into a mud puddle FULLY dressed. Ruthie fell down the front steps. Charlee was upset the tooth fairy forgot to visit. Ricky had a stomach ache. My dog slipped out of his collar and ran away. AND I still needed to work out...Breath in, breath out..

Ok with 5 kids I am not able to celebrate this day to it's full potential.

So instead I decided to play on facebook for 45 mins. That way I at least did my part on this very special day.

I still need to work out. I am hoping to get to the gym....I mean...I WILL get to the gym!

We had omelets for breakfast.

Lunch we had pizza. I honestly had just 2 pieces (which is still one too many)

No soda just water.

Dinner we are having chicken something.

Some days you just have to get through. Some days you don't fully enjoy. I know that tomorrow will be better! Because I am going to make it better!

Hidding

So I have been in hiding....

I have not been doing so well with working out! I feel SO guilty over this.

You see my best friend moved and I am feeling a lil depressed. At least this is my excuse... (I have an elliptical sitting in my room...I could get on it at any time.)

I got snapped back to focus when I had read on facebook that a old school friend of mine had a heart attack. I am 28 years old! She obviously is around my age. Life is unpredictable. (thank God she is doing better)

It made me realize that my generation is a bunch of fast food junkies! I forgot to lay something out...run to Mcd's....I don't feel like cooking taco bell....I don't want to do the dishes.. pizza.....STOP!! I have to STOP this with my family.

The sad thing is I love to cook and I LOVE to bake. Know how is not something that I lack...plain and simple I am too lazy. And if you were honest you would admit it too.

So I am going to start posting what I am making for dinner. Maybe not everyday, but I am going to try.

I am also going to try to post every.single.day........

so this morning

Breakfast: toast with butter and sugar and chocolate milk...this was for the kiddos.

slim fast for mama.



So far today we have been outside jumping on the trampoline, swinging on the swing set and I plan on taking a walk with all the kids. I want to get active and STAY THAT WAY!!

I am super sore from yesterday and I am going to push through it today. I did a lot of yard work and my back is screaming at me for it. But sometimes that pain is a payoff and lets you know that you accomplished something! So when we go on our walk I will most likly be battling pain...but I my choice is to live.

Oh by the way...

I plan on

Lunch: Pb&J, apples,pineapples and milk...and slim fast for mama.

Dinner: Grilled Chicken, corn on the cob and bake beans.

SNOW+5 kids= lots of laudry and crazy kids

HOLY!!! WOW!!! We got alot of snow!

I have not "worked out" in a bit since shoveling has taken its place! I am hoping to go sledding today ( I am doing a lil cheer)

So my weekend was basically shoveling and baking and cuddling. aaahhhhhhh. Back to reality ...some what today. I have to get back on track with not only my work outs but just in general. I have an insane amount of laundry to do! BUT I just want to spend this time that has been given to me with my husband!!! (insert tantrum here)

I am new to this blogging thing and would love to not bore you all to death!

On the mommy front I think I may end up playing twister hop scotch with the kids today! Maybe have a little dance party and do a little sledding. These kids have been held up in this house and are ready to break lose. Currently my husband is hiding under a HUGE blanket and they are climbing "THE MOUNTAIN"

Ok I am off to spend time with my family and some how, some way I will work out....If you want to hear or know anything about me please leave a comment!

Woohoo!!

I keep thinking I am doing terra-bad (my husband makes up these weird words that some how find their way in to my voab!) I feel bad if I eat something that is NOT whole grain. ( that is another thing I did to lose weight and get healthy) OR when I have a soda...but I stepped on the scale today and I am at 222lbs.!!! OH MY GOODNESS! I have a goal of breaking the 200lbs. by my 10 year wedding anniversary in June. I am so excited. It dawned on me...I.AM.DOING.THIS!!! I am on cloud nine.

However we did get snowed in and I LOVE to bake...so I made a chocolate meringue pie. Uh-oh. It will be ok. I am sure I will burn that while shoveling out the drive way. Or maybe burn off even more by walking up the hill to go sledding!

To anyone who is reading this please don't get discouraged. If you fall off the wagon just get back on. We learn from making mistakes.

A Life Change.

Ok so I have told you a little bit or a lotta bit about my back ground! So here is somethings that I have been working on!

So after putting on ALOT of weight. I started worrying about things "normal" people wouldn't think about. Like will I fit comfortably in a theater seat? Will my kids get picked on because of me....So I started looking at the issue square in the face. My first diet attempt was Atkins, I dropped 15 lbs. in one week! But slowly failed. So it was fad dieting....UGH! Yeah I fell into that pit.

I didn't see anything but my weight. It wasn't until recently that I realized that it wasn't a diet I was looking for. It was a life CHANGE that I was after. That is a really scary thing. I was no longer looking at losing weight as much as getting healthier. THAT is the ticket. It isn't something I am doing just to lose weight, it is something I am doing to feel better. ( I mean being fat physically hurts!) It is a challenge. I think it will be a challenge for the rest of my life.

SSOoooo at my heaviest....(this is so hard to say) I was 270lbs.(on my 5'2 frame) That was 4 weeks after my son was born. So that was almost 2 years ago.

My first step was to work out for 30 min every single day, no matter how much I didn't want to. So I enlist the help of my VERY BEST friend Beth. She agreed to meet with me here at home every day around 9 am. We did "on demand" workouts.....how many of you have comcast and NEVER noticed the Sports and fitness category? I KNOW RIGHT! Anyway there are days we sit and talk and avoid it and avoid it until one of us gets up and pushes start. She pushes me to keep going, if Beth is still going then so am I!! I love seeing her and she makes me laugh and have fun so working out is not such a pain. <3 We have been doing this since November. And I still LOVE it. I feel so much better after we work out! I am off antidepressants! WooHoo for that!!! Who would have thought that all I need to feel better was to move my body!! I have more energy. I am just all around happier.

My second step was to join Curves. I was so scared and nervous. Until another Beth came into my life. She is the manager there. I talked with her and before we weighed and measured me. She told me about how she used to weight 250lbs. She decided when her daughter turn 7 to do something about it. She showed me pictures and it made me feel like she understood me completely. It also gave me hope. She is like the size of my thigh now!! So we weighed and measured me....I hated it....the very last number was the hardest to swallow...my BMI was 47%. I realized I HAVE to do something about this right now or some how, some way my weight was going to shorten or worse end my life.

Well that is it for now. I am hoping to get you all caught up with where I was, what I have done, and what I am doing daily to defeat my own worst enemy...myself. If you want to share any of your stories please feel free to comment on anything!